Today I am feeling defeated. My one year old has been up most of the night, probably pushing back against the weaning program that I have been putting her through. Yes, La Leche League, I am not letting my child self wean. Shoot me now. Its ok, it might be welcome relief from the sleep deprivation.
I am feeling defeated because I have hit a wall where I cannot function or complete even the simplest tasks. I barely know my name. I thought that I knew how to function as a stay at home mom, taxi my children to various summer camps, wean a one year old, and get a decent dinner on the table. Today, however, I sit hear saying to myself, What do I know?
This I know. I create much higher standards for myself than anyone else. I try to be the perfect wife, mother, WAHM, daughter, friend, etc. I want my baby to sleep through the night perfectly. I want my children to clean up after themselves perfectly. I want my house to look perfect. What I know this morning is that I am trying to impose my perfection on my family and that just doesn't fly.
This I know. God is forgiving. He gave his son for me. He knows I am not perfect. I need to accept that.
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